iJust Dropped in (to See What Condition My Condition Was in)
by iEmbargo
Summary: Post iGB and #TKTJ. Carly and Melanie drop in on Sam. Their common interests lead them back to Seattle, where they drop in on Freddie - and then they see what their condition is in...
1. Chapter 1

_**iJust Dropped in (to See What Condition My Condition Was in)**_

Carly and Melanie surprise Sam at her and Cat's place. Carly, Sam, and Melanie then fly to Seattle to surprise Freddie.

When I wrote **I, Carly, Sam, and Freddie**, PD31 commented that I put way too much blame of the situation at the end of _iCarly_ on Freddie. After some reflection, I figured that s/he had a point, so I thought about how to resolve the situation that is a bit fairer to everyone. The problem was that the way the series played out, I could not come up with something that would take some of the burden off of him and have a precedent within the series' continuity – IMHO, the Freddie character had been so undermined by asking Sam out and then celebrating his kiss with Carly that there was no other place that I could put any blame.

Then _Sam & Cat_'s "#TheKillerTunaJump" episode came out. When I saw that there was a lack of follow-up in subsequent episodes and that the ending to "iGoodbye" seemed to have been conveniently forgotten, I figured I had the basis for the story I wanted which would respect the shows' continuities and characterisations, insofar as one would be able to.

I don't own iCarly.

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_**Prologue – March, Senior Year: iSlow Date**_

Freddie Benson took the books from his AP Biology class out of his locker. He paused to look at Shane on his right, who seemed to be stealing glances at him. After satisfying himself that he had been seeing things, he sighed and shut his locker.

Gibby Gibson walked up to him from behind, positioned himself between Freddie and Shane, and hit his fist at the top of Freddie's locker.

"So, who're you going with to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, Fred-man?"

Freddie sighed again and then turned to look up at Gibby while Jeremy opened the locker behind Freddie. Freddie shrugged blandly. "Eh, I don't think I'm going." He paused as he saw Gibby's face turn hard. He shrugged before continuing. "No one really to go with."

Gibby cocked an eyebrow as Shane closed his locker. Shane turned to look at Freddie and then walked up next to Gibby. "Wow, that's tough, Freddie," he stated flatly, in a very stilted manner. "Because I have heard that you should be in demand this year."

Freddie paused and shifted his weight back and forth on his feet. "Um," was all he could manage as he grasped vainly for an apt reply. After a few moments, Gibby and Shane grinned wickedly at his discomfiture. Eventually, Freddie continued with, "Well, I think that no one has really asked me exactly. I think girls are just checking my interest."

Gibby and Shane laughed uncontrollably. A few more mathletes and techies encircled them as the laughter died.

Shane recovered first. "Oh, sure, they were 'just checking your interest.'" He looked up at Gibby with a conspiratorial look. "No way, Gib. He's just told a bunch of girls that he will, and I quote, 'think about it.'"

An astounded Freddie glared at Shane. "Where did you get garbage like that from, ahem, buddy?"

Shane turned to grin wickedly and triumphantly at Freddie. "From Wendy and Patrice – you know, my friends who asked you out."

Jeremy closed his locker, turned to face Freddie, and then jumped in. "Really?" Freddie turned to his left to face him and protest, but was ignored. "I heard that he said to Valerie that he would get back to her, but hasn't in almost a week in spite of invitations to do so."

Directly behind Shane, Reuben pushed himself forward and countered with, "Nuh-uh. My sister's friends, Jamie and Ariane, asked again and he said he didn't know if his mother would let him."

Brad then charged up from behind Jeremy and mock-protested. "Wrong – Rebecca and Lesley said that he has a tech conference in New York that I know nothing about."

Freddie stopped turning, leant back against his locker, and groaned. Gibby tapped him on the top of his head. Freddie lifted his head to look straight at him. Gibby had a deadly serious look on his face. "Freddie, what's going on?"

Freddie shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. It just feels wrong for me to go to the dance."

Gibby looked up at the ceiling as if he was pleading for help as the others around him showed their displeasure. He finally came back to stare down at Freddie. "Look, Fred-man, you can't just wait for Sam and Carly to get back just so that you can avoid deciding between them again, you know. It's not fair to them or the people here."

Reuben turned Freddie a bit sideways. "Like it or not, Freddie, you are the first domino to fall for the science and tech guys. No one is going to ask us to the dance until you at least tell someone, 'no.'"

Jeremy then moved around to face Freddie. "And, unfortunately for us, we're all single again."

"Let's not dwell on that," Shane mumbled.

Brad then walked around to stand next to Gibby and to face Freddie. "Now wait a minute," he broke in, but with a sneaky edge. "Maybe one of them is coming back. How about Sam? What happened on that trip to California?"

Freddie shrugged hopelessly. "Sam and I reconnected after all the problems her roommate caused. Once I recovered from the injuries, we went out a few times before I had to come back for this last semester."

Jeremy nodded ruefully. "And is she coming back here?"

Freddie shrugged again. "She's started a decent, honest business down there. I don't want her to abandon something honest and successful for me and-"

Shane interrupted him. "Uh huh. And what about Carly?"

Freddie looked at Shane with an embarrassed look. "She was supposed to come back after four months, but after she found out her father was being rotated back this coming August, she decided to wait with him there."

Gibby nodded triumphantly as Shane crossed his arms over his chest. "Freddie, they're not here. Sure, they're our closest friends from childhood, but Freddie, you've got to expand your horizons."

Brad chimed in. "Yeah, Freddie. It's almost like you don't want to know what other options there might be out there – who might be waiting for you right now."

Reuben added, "Yeah. You've been missing out on all the couples' activities and have been avoiding parties because you'd be the only guy going stag. Remember how you were complaining at the fall dance that all of us had dates and you were the only one alone?"

Freddie nodded glumly. "Don't remind me."

Reuben shook his head. "Hey, we were either dating or asked somebody. You could have asked someone; you didn't have to spend your night with your mom, Spencer, and Mrs. Puckett."

"And this time, you have options," Jeremy noted.

Gibby pressed some more. "Yah, dude, who else has asked you out?"

Freddie heaved another sigh. "All right. Missy seemed to think her past was water under the bridge-"

"And is it?" Gibby asked.

Freddie shook his head. "Nope – how can I forgive her for trying to split my closest friends?"

Shane nodded. "That's true."

Reuben followed up with, "So who else?"

As Freddie was about to respond, Maddie approached them from behind Gibby and Shane. She asked for their pardon as she stepped between them and interrupted their conversation. "Hi, Freddie."

"Hi, Maddie."

Maddie flashed him a nervous smile. "Um, do you have a date for the Sadie Hawkins dance on Friday?"

Freddie shook his head as Gibby and Shane looked at him expectantly. "Nope. Not yet, anyway."

Emboldened by his response, Maddie continued. "I know that you tried to tried to impress me with your fake band and I got upset at you for trying to pick me up with a lie, but I was hoping that if I could overlook that, then we could start afresh and, uh, you could, maybe, go to the dance with me."

Freddie smiled warmly at her. "Maybe. Let me think about it." Gibby, Reuben, Jeremy, Shane, and Brad let out a collection of groans, grunts, and expletives.

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A.N. – You should recognise all of the females mentioned here from various iCarly episodes. Obviously, all of the guys are the potential male peers Freddie would have at Ridgeway.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed, favourited, or followed. I very much appreciate that.

This scene is an abbreviated version of a plot line I posted on the Sam&Cat wikia a few weeks before #TKTJ was broadcast. I tried very hard to make the starting bit as over-the-top-sappy as I possibly could.

I don't own iCarly, Victorious, or Sam & Cat.

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_**Act I, Scene A – August, Senior Year: iThink You're Swell**_

"I think you're swell. I think you're swell…"

Sam Puckett groaned as she awoke to Robbie Shapiro's voice singing his corn-balled profession of love of her roommate Cat Valentine. Sam pulled her pillow over her ears to try and muffle the song.

Meanwhile, Cat sprang from her bed, glided silently to the bedroom window and threw it open with a flourish. She sighed happily and then put her head on her elbows while Robbie's singing filled her ears along with the sounds of the morning.

Robbie's singing also penetrated Sam's consciousness. She changed positions a couple of times in a vain attempt to get some more sleep before she finally had had enough. She angrily whipped the pillow off her head and yelled an animalistic cry.

Cat responded to the cry with, "Isn't it just wonderful, Sam, to be greeted in the beautiful morning by your boyfriend's singing a love song he wrote for you?"

Sam's reply was to give a primal scream and run up to the window, jump on the sill, yell, "STOP!" at Robbie, and then jump out at him.

Robbie backed away quickly as Sam leapt out the window and landed where he had been standing. Sam stood up as tall as she could, such as it is, and glared at him. "What are you doing waking me up this early? We have two families coming this morning!"

Robbie looked at her, perplexed. "What do you mean wake you? I only woke up Cat!"

Sam shook her head in angry disbelief. "I sleep in that room too, you know."

Robbie nodded. "I know. Cat told me."

Sam screeched in disbelief. Cat ran from the window as Robbie backed away from Sam towards the apartment's door. "Cat told you? What made you think that you could wake Cat without awakening me?"

"And us," a weary male voice bellowed from down the alley.

"Thank you!" Sam yelled back. Cat seized this moment to run from the window.

"That includes you to, girly."

"Not today, chizz-voice."

Cat darted out from the apartment door and interceded between Sam and Robbie. "Sam, he said he wanted to do something romantic for me. I think it's sweet."

A middle-aged woman opened a window across the alcove. "It was sweet, dearies."

Further down the alleyway from the woman's condominium, a college age male opened his front door. "No, it's sickening."

"Thanks," Sam yelled.

"No problem," the male yelled back as he shut his door.

"Yes, it is," the original male voice bellowed.

Two young girls opened a door even further down. "Cat and Robbie, sitting in a tree…" They were followed by their mother, who was encouraging them to get going to school.

Robbie turned Cat around. "How do they know about this?"

A middle-aged husband and wife opened their doors as they headed to work. "It's not like we're deaf here," the wife chimed in.

The college-age male spoke up. "I'm with the other guy – please be quite! I've got such a headache-"

The husband retorted, "Then get to sleep at a normal hour, kid."

"Don't call me kid, old man!"

"Enough!" Sam yelled at the top of her lungs. Everyone obeyed. Sam then turned to Robbie and Cat. She turned them both towards the door. "Take this inside, you two."

"Need any help, Sam?" came a familiar voice from behind them.

Sam turned sharply around to see Carly Shay and Melanie Puckett smiling at her. Robbie and Cat used the distraction to run inside Sam and Cat's apartment as the other doors and windows closed around them.

Sam jumped forward as the three girls engulfed each other in a tight group hug. "Carls! Mel!" Sam yelled joyously.

The original weary-voiced male interrupted their celebration with, "Put a lid on it!"

"We're taking it inside," Sam replied as the three women broke their hug.

"TMI!" the middle-aged husband shouted.

Carly, Melanie, and Sam giggled as quietly as they could for a few moments. Finally, Sam regarded her two guests happily. "Come on in, you two – as you can see, the neighbours get a bit upset if we have too much noise too early in the morning." Sam then looked down and noticed four large suitcases at their feet. "What are those for?"

Carly and Melanie smiled. Carly replied, "I decided to go to USC rather than not be with my best friend, and Melanie here decided that she needed you to dispose with the nerdy boys whom she can't escape from at Cal Tech."

Melanie laughed. "I need to sharpen my butter-socking skills before I get there."

"Ah," Sam replied. "Well, lets get these things inside." Sam grabbed the two middle suitcases; Carly and Melanie followed with one on each of their sides.

The three women chatted animatedly as Sam led Carly and Melanie into her and Cat's apartment – followed by a trail of invectives from annoyed people in the complex who could not handle the squealing. Sam noticed Robbie humming serenely to himself as he made a breakfast that looked adequate for the five of them, so she led Melanie and Carly to her bedroom.

Sam waited for Carly and Melanie to enter the bedroom before she resolutely shut the door. She turned to face Carly and Melanie and walked back into the room. "When did you get here, Carls?"

"I just got in on the red-eye," Carly replied excitedly. "Florence to Rome to New York to LA to Seattle."

"And Mel?"

Melanie nodded at her sister. "We planned this surprise for you. I came in from San Diego to pick her up and get here."

Sam then had a puzzled look on her face. "Wait, Carls. Where's your Dad?"

"Oh," Carly began. "He went directly to Seattle. He's getting the apartment ready while Spencer's out."

"Spence is displaying an exhibit in San Francisco," Melanie added. "Mom went with him."

Sam nodded. "Ah." She then turned to Carly. "So what's the plan? Spencer and Mom can't live at your Dad's place now, can they?"

Carly shook her head and groaned slightly. "Nope. They have been saving up to get their own place." Then she shrugged. "I guess they have a bit of a nest egg."

Melanie chuckled. "Whodathunkit? Mom in a stable marriage, saving her money…" She trailed off and looked at Sam. "Sam running an honest business babysitting kids!" She broke into a mischievous smile. "Yup – the world is upside-down all right!"

Melanie and Carly looked at each other and snickered as Sam grunted indignantly. Sam finally regained her equanimity after Melanie and Carly settled down. "So when are you going back to Seattle, Carls?"

Carly broke into a wide smile. "We, the three of us, Sam, are going to Seattle tomorrow night."

Sam looked at Carly querulously before looking at Melanie, who also smiled and nodded. "For how long? We have a business going here and the taxes, fees, and stuff have made things a bit tight."

"Only a few days," Carly assured her

Melanie chimed in with, "I know that you have a few free-ish days coming up. Considering that you handle all the daytime stuff while Cat does her extra-curricular school activities, you could let her have a few light days all by herself."

Sam frowned. "Are we talking about Cat my roommate and business partner, or someone else named 'Cat' who is responsible enough for me to leave in charge of the business for a few days?"

Carly chuckled lightly and then shook her head. "She's not really as bad as you make her out to be, is she?"

"Yes, she is," Melanie whispered.

Sam glanced at the wall that also bordered the living room and then gestured to Carly. "Around here, I am the organized, responsible half of the baby-sitting tandem. I keep her out of trouble."

Melanie whistled as Carly edged back slightly. Carly raised an eyebrow. "Wow. You mean you've been in comparatively less trouble all by yourself?"

Sam nodded and then paused. "Yeah, but I have learnt a lot from Jade."

Melanie wrinkled her brow. "You mean Cat's friend?" Sam nodded. "How?"

Sam flashed a broad smile. "She helped me channel my misanthropy and aggression into more satisfying but legal pursuits."

"Sounds dangerous," Melanie replied.

Sam's grinned mischievously. "Yes, we are."

"Great," Carly slowly replied. "Just great, Sam."

Sam shrugged. "I get out my frustrations without endangering many other people."

Melanie's face relaxed while Carly's remained tense. Melanie finally said, "I can see that. Nice job, Sam," she stated flatly.

Carly was still dubious. "Yeah, I guess."

Sam reached out to hug Carly. "Come on, Carls. Parents have to entrust their kids to us. If we had issues, I couldn't make money, now could I?"

Carly nodded her head firmly and then broke into a smile. "Yup – there's the motivation I expected from you!" The three women chuckled.

Sam unclenched and then walked past Melanie and Carly. "We have a group of kids that come in kind of early, so as soon as Cat gets out, I need to get washed up before they get here." She grabbed a robe and a towel from a chair.

"We'll wait here," Carly replied as Sam went to her drawers.

Sam opened her drawers and pulled a change of clothes from them. "Nah – guard the front make sure my roommate and her boyfriend doesn't do something stupid like not helping me with the morning crowd before she goes to school." She darted from the bedroom to get cleaned up quickly.

Carly turned to Melanie. "Exactly how smart is Cat?"

Melanie grabbed Carly by the arm. "Yeah, Sam's got a point here." They heard the shower stop and then turned to Sam. "You told me she has some odd modesty thing with girls that's only slightly more intense than it is for boys?

Sam nodded. "Cat is variously neurotic, caring, naïve, helpful, clueless, thoughtful, and a bull in a china shop." Carly and Melanie gulped. "Think back to me when we first met you, Carly. Can you imagine me as the steady, sane, responsible one of us?"

Carly and Melanie shuddered as Cat exited the bathroom and shooed them out of the bedroom. Sam darted into the bathroom while Carly and Melanie went into the living room. Robbie was making omelets for everyone. They decided to sit on the couch and wait for Sam. They looked at Cat and Robbie, compared their apparent level of maturity to Sam's, looked at each other, and then face-palmed.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you, everyone, for the reviews, follows, and favourites. I am glad you are enjoying this story. In particular, I would like to thank the guest reviewer, who forced me to reshuffle this story to bring Sam's long term goals forward from the end of Act II. And, because of her/him, I think is a better story because of the review.

iDon't Own iCarly, Victorious, Sam & Cat, or Kenny Rogers and the First Edition.

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**_Act I, Scene B – Continuation: iReveal an Open Secret_**

A few minutes later, Carly and Melanie were dyspeptic because of the goopy scene in front of them: Cat and Robbie feeding each other forkfuls of omelet and then bits of toast while giggling, making indistinct noises, and giving each other quick pecks on the lips.

Carly finally had had enough. "Excuse me, but we need you to help us."

Cat and Robbie finished their mouthfuls of food. Cat quickly swallowed before asking, "Aren't you two a little young to have children?"

Melanie was puzzled. "Wait, don't you remember me? I'm Sam's twin sister Melanie."

Cat took a sip of water while pondering her response. "Oh, yes." She then looked at Carly. "And you were on iCarly with her. What is your name again?"

Carly sighed, exasperated. "Carly Shay." Carly regained her equanimity. "Anyway, we want Sam to come back with us to Seattle for a few days. We were hoping that you could take care of things while Sam was out of town."

Cat looked at Robbie, who shrugged in response. Cat turned back and responded, "OK. But I need her to help out next Tuesday."

Carly nodded. "I promise." She began walking towards the kitchen, followed closely by Melanie. "We're leaving tomorrow night, so you and Sam have to work out whatever arrangements you need to make."

Robbie threw Carly and Melanie an indignant look. "Wait, why does Sam get to go on a moment's notice? Cat and I wanted to go to the beach on Saturday and need Sam to take care of the kids that day."

Melanie grunted before responding, "And how many weekends in a row have you stuck her with a gaggle of kids while you two were out gallivanting?"

Cat was momentarily pensive. She finally came out of her trance to say, "A few, I guess."

Carly pressed home the point. "How many is 'a few?'"

Robbie shrugged. "Only a few months."

"Months?" Melanie and Carly exclaimed, puzzled.

Cat nodded. "Those nights, Sam keeps the money except for bills."

"Ah!" Melanie breathed.

"Now it makes sense," Carly added.

Cat and Robbie nodded. Cat added, "Besides, she needs to save extra money for college."

Carly and Melanie went bug-eyed at Cat's remark. Melanie finally gulped. "Wait, my twin sister wants to go to college?"

Robbie shrugged. "Sure. She can't get a scholarship because of her freshman and sophomore grades, so she needs to save for community college before transferring to a state school."

Carly tried to break in, but Cat followed up Robbie's point. "She doesn't want to waste money on bail; she doesn't need to see a parole officer; and she meets better guys."

Melanie eyed Cat and Robbie suspiciously as Carly openly mused, "So that's her ulterior motive for working so hard," while Cat began sipping her drink.

Robbie chuckled. "Not exactly." Before Carly and Melanie could follow-up, he asked, "So, why are you three going to Seattle?"

Carly smiled brightly. "My Dad and I are coming back from Europe." Robbie finished off his drink. "Melanie and I will be going to college near here, so we need to get my stuff ready. I also wanted to see Freddie again and I am sure Melanie and Sam do too."

Robbie was unable to contain a smile. Meanwhile, Cat giggled and picked up their dishes; they could hear Sam brushing her teeth. Carly and Melanie again regarded them suspiciously as Robbie nodded. "I am quite sure that Sam wants to see Freddie again. But, then why are you coming here for college to be with Sam? I figured Sam would return to Seattle for college." He smirked and winked conspiratorially at Melanie and Carly.

After she placed the dishes into the sink, Cat turned to face Robbie, when she giggled again. "Unless, of course, he'll be going to UCLA or something."

Melanie and Carly stared at Cat and Robbie as they pulled in for a quick peck. Melanie finally asked, "What are you two talking about?" as the main doorbell rang.

Robbie and Cat ignored Melanie as Cat said, "I'll get it."

Carly started to get annoyed. As Cat opened the front door, Carly ran up to her and asked, "What is that all about?" as Sam came out of the bathroom, fully dressed.

Jade West and Tori Vega greeted Cat as Sam asked, "What is what about?"

Robbie replied playfully for his girlfriend. "Freddie Benson," as if he had explained everything.

Jade groaned as Tori mumbled, "Not this again."

Sam turned to Robbie, dumbfounded at his impudence.

Tori asked Jade, "Do we help them?" as Carly and Melanie stared at Cat and Robbie in disbelief.

"Nah – they earnt it," Jade replied. Carly and Melanie nodded and leant back.

Sam bellowed in rage and charged at Robbie. He ran from her, screeching at her red face, until he was stopped in place by Jade and Tori. Jade smiled nastily. "Time to face the music," she noted as she turned him into the onrushing Sam. Sam grabbed Robbie and then Cat. She flung them into the couch as Cat and Robbie screamed in terror.

Sam grabbed both their collars and balled them into her fists and they whimpered in fear. Finally, Carly, Melanie, Tori, and Jade decided to finally take action and grabbed Sam about the arms to pull her slowly back from the terrified couple.

After several moments of futile resistance, Sam suddenly had a hurt look on her face, as if she wanted to cry. After a few more seconds, she regained her composure and turned to face Carly and Melanie. They looked at her sympathetically, but with reproach over her outburst. Sam then turned to Jade and Tori, who nodded as if they agreed with Carly and Melanie. Sam then noticed the omelets and toast awaiting them. She tried to change the subject by essaying, "Oh, let's eat these before they get too cold," as she went to the kitchen to get the food.

Carly and Melanie were having none of that. Carly swallowed hard while Melanie asked the question on both their minds. "OK, Sammy, what's up with you and Freddie?"

Sam suddenly became flustered. "Here, let's eat," she said as she tried to regain her composure. She walked briskly up to her sister and best friend and handed them plates of food with silverware on them. Melanie and Carly took the plates and set them down on the counter and then grabbed Sam's left and right arms respectively. Sam looked at them and feigned indignation as she struggled to free herself. "What?"

Melanie shook her head. "Sam, what's going on with Freddie?"

Sam shrugged. "Not much," she replied as flatly as she could. "He came down earlier this year, remember?"

Carly replied, "Yeah, so?" Melanie did not let her grip slacken.

Sam spoke blandly as Jade and Tori came up behind Carly and Melanie. "He acted like I didn't exist. I got mad at him. He got hurt. I visited him at the hospital. He stayed a couple of days. We went to eat a few times. Big deal."

Robbie laughed from the couch. "You forgot about asking me to serenade you to get back at Cat for taking him out."

Jade smirked and quipped, "Yeah, Robbie, like you weren't jealous, right?"

Robbie spoke while not looking at Jade. "Not really – I was always pretty certain about Cat."

"HA!" Tori interjected. "You couldn't stop whining about her time with that Freddie guy!"

As Robbie manoeuvered around the crowd to put everyone else's body between his and Sam's Cat strode up to Jade to protest. "It was Jade's fault for hitting it off with Sam."

Robbie laughed and then added, "And Sam only went after me because Jade knew that Cat loves me like she loves Freddie."

Tori sighed heavily, Carly grunted, Melanie groaned, and Jade said, "Get him, Sam," before they split conveniently for Sam to get at Robbie

As Sam fired towards Robbie, Cat jumped in front of her in a vain attempt to stop her while Robbie yelped and fell backwards. Sam bounced Cat off of her and then quickly caught up to Robbie, picked him up by the scruff of the neck, and shoved him against the wall.

"What is wrong with you?" Sam bellowed as she then charged up to him and then grabbed his shirt lapels. Carly, Melanie, Cat, Jade, and Tori ruefully snickered as Sam continued, "Well?"

Robbie's answer was to squeak indistinctly with fear. As Cat attempted to intercede, Sam boomed, "Now you're silent? What, you suddenly decided that living to keep Cat happy was worth your while?"

Carly turned to Melanie, Tori, and Jade. "Now?" she asked as Cat mooned over Robbie who was blubbering weakly.

Melanie nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Carly, Melanie, Jade, and Tori came up from behind and firmly but gently pulled Sam away from Robbie and towards the center of the room. Sam fought valiantly, but eventually the other four were able to get her firmly onto the couch.

Once they had calmed Sam, down, they spun to glare at Cat and Robbie. Tori tried to calmly address Cat and Robbie. "Can you two just stop it?"

Cat swung her head around to glare at Carly, Jade, Melanie, Sam, and Tori. "What's the big deal, Tori? They are Sam's twin sister and her best friend from Seattle. They obviously know that she still loves Freddie."

Sam inhaled sharply as Melanie and Carly gasped. They suddenly pulled their hands off of Sam as if they had been burnt. Cat's and Robbie's heads shot up and looked at the two women behind Sam with a mixture of surprise and disbelief.

Finally, Cat recovered. "You mean you don't?" Carly, Jade, Tori, Melanie, and Sam didn't move. "Oh. Sorry, Sam."

Sam attempted to jump to her feet, but Carly, Melanie, Tori, and Jade held her in place. She finally bellowed, "'Sorry'? Is that it? My best friend made out with the boy I love, giddily tells me about it before leaving for Italy with her father, and I have been hiding it from them all this time for nothing! You had to even interfere with their chance for each other when you called him down here! What is wrong with you? Did it ever occur to you that I might have a reason for doing this?"

"Of course not, " Jade replied for Cat. "She has this quaint notion that two people who could love each other are 'meant to be' – but it never occurs to her that maybe someone else thinks that about one or both of them, right Cat?"

"Of course, Sam should have her chance," Cat replied naively. "If she loves Freddie and Freddie could love her, why shouldn't everyone else know that they should leave them be?"

"Yeah," Robbie added, as if he were buttressing her argument. "It's not like Sam does a good job of pretending that she needs to calm down when she talks with or about Freddie."

Carly grunted uncomfortably as Melanie shifted her weight, Sam looked towards the ceiling, and Jade sighed loudly. Tori stepped forward and finally replied, "Cat, Robbie: what we are trying to tell you is that your housemate, her twin sister, and her closest friend all like Freddie; Sam just complained that you had no business butting in when she and I first started hanging out."

Cat's eyes went wide. "Oh, I get it."

While everyone else in the room sighed, Robbie asked, "What do you get, Cat?"

"That Freddie has commitment issues," Cat replied blandly.

Tori opened her mouth as if she expected to disagree with Cat. The girls all agreed with this assessment when Robbie stood up and attempted to preen. "And he said I am a wimp!" he gloated. "At least I know whom I want to be with!"

Sam screeched in disgust. While the others jumped to hold her in place, Cat whisked Robbie out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all very much for the great reviews, PMs, follows, and favourites. Just remember – my user name is iEmbargo, which means that I don't ship.

I should re-iterate that this story is finished, so I want to apologise for not posting this sooner.

Because I keep getting asked about it, I do not believe in the Spencer-Pam pairing any more than I believe in any other pairing. I initially wanted to satirise the Spencer-Sam ship, which I find creepy in the extreme from Spencer's POV. I also wanted to play on the series' continuity, where Spencer had dated Gibby's mother and married Freddie's mother in an alternate reality; thus in this reality, Spencer marries Sam's and Melanie's mother. I hate the view of many that if Carly gets Freddie, then Sam should get the left-overs. Lastly, what I really wanted is both characters out of the way and there be no consolation prizes: if you were rooting for one character to get Freddie over another, then you were rooting for her best friend(s) and/or twin sister to be hurt deeply and maybe be permanently scarred – to the detriment of everyone.

I don't own, lease, or rent iCarly.

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_**Act I, Scene C – The Following Weekend: iSurprise Freddie**_

Carly, Sam, and Melanie entered the lift to Carly's apartment. Melanie and Sam had two moderately-sized suitcases each while Carly had a few large ones. After the doors closed, Carly looked at the Puckett twins. "I can't wait to really talk with Freddie."

Sam looked at her quizzically. "Don't you talk to him normally?"

Carly shrugged. "It's hard." Melanie nodded in comprehension as Carly added, "I woke up when he went to bed; he woke up when I got home from school, and I went to bed when he got home from school." Carly sighed. "It's hard to stay in touch."

Melanie broke in. "I imagine you really kept up with him, Sam."

Sam groaned as she exasperatedly said to Melanie and Carly, "If I answer this, will you two finally get this out of your systems?"

Melanie smiled conspiratorially at Carly. "If we must."

Sam shook her head and looked at the floor display. "I'm too busy. I try, but it's hard because I'm either baby-sitting or I'm exhausted." Sam then nodded firmly. "But I mean it – Freddie is not the reason I want to go to college, but he makes it more important."

Carly snorted. "Just to make sure the hair-splitting is clear, you say that you will go to college even if, say, he doesn't want to get back together with you, right?"

Sam sighed before responding. "Yes, Carls." Sam looked at the floor readout and muttered, "Chizz." She paused for a moment as the lift stopped at their target floor. "I don't want to babysit my whole life. And if I want to run a business and permanently get out of the family business, I need the degree to open doors for me." The doors to the lift opened. "Like these." Carly and Melanie groaned at the pun as they took their luggage out of the lift. "What? It was a mental trigger."

Carly rolled her eyes as they carted their luggage to her room. After they dropped the suitcases a few feet from the door and then closed it, Melanie looked at Carly with doubt. "Are you sure we can stay here?"

Carly nodded emphatically. "Dad said that when we are all in Seattle, you two can split my room with me. He figures if your Mom can stay with Spencer before now, you two might as well make it official."

Sam giggled uncomfortably. "Ugh – just thinking about living with Mom and Spencer under one roof is unnerving."

Melanie shrugged. "Would it be significantly worse than being awakened by Robbie's saccharine serenade?"

Sam thought for a moment before replying. "Not significantly, but still worse." She looked at Melanie pulling her cell from her pocket. "Checking messages?"

Melanie frowned before replying. "Hmm. A call from Freddie at, what, 5am?"

Carly and Sam looked at each other, puzzled, as they pulled out their cell phones as well. After a few moments, Carly replied, "Me too."

Sam shook her head. "Same here." She looked at Melanie and Carly. "What do you think that means?"

Carly and Melanie shrugged. Carly replied, "Not a clue. Mel?"

Melanie shrugged again. "Me neither. " She looked at Carly and Sam. "How did we miss it?"

Carly thought for a moment. "We were in the airport – who expects a call at 5am?" The twins nodded in response. Carly continued, "What do we do now?"

They glanced furtively at each other before Sam groaned and stood up. "We can't stall any longer," she said firmly. "We have to see what Freddie does. Might as well get it over with."

Carly and Melanie replied their assent and stood up. Sam, Melanie, and Carly deliberately stepped down the stairs to the living room. As they approached the door, they stopped. The three women heard what seemed like a commotion in the hall.

Sam turned to Carly and Melanie and raised an eyebrow. Carly and Melanie shrugged in response. Sam nodded resolutely, turned, and then opened the door.

In front of them were fourteen young adults – seven men and seven women – gathered in front of the Bensons' door. The men were all in suits and the women in formal dresses. All of them were smiling and chatting brightly.

Sam finally spoke for Carly and Melanie. "Hey, what's going on?"

The entire group turned around. Carly, Sam, and Melanie recognised the tallest male. "Gibby?"

Before Gibby could answer, a startled female voice came from around the corner. It was Wendy. "Sam? Carly? Melanie?"

The three women turned to greet Wendy, who was in a bright white gown. Freddie came up behind her in a tuxedo with a red boutonnière. Everyone burst into joyous smiles, laughter, and hugs as Melanie, Carly, and Sam greeted sixteen old friends from school.

After a complete set of hurried introductions, he turned and announced, "And back to our first great surprise of the day, welcome the happy couple, Freddie and Wendy Benson!"

Wendy squealed with glee, "I can't believe you made it!" None of them could react as Wendy pulled them into a hug.

Freddie's contented smile turned into the biggest grin he had ever had. "OMG! It's like fate! You all came here together and we didn't even plan the wedding until 5am." He then whooped joyously and jumped to hug the four girls. "This is the best – my two best friends from my youth, one's twin whom I should have acknowledged, and my wife, all as surprised as I am to be together for the happiest day of my life!"


	5. Chapter 5

Hi, All. I hope I didn't lose too many people with the end of Act I.

I don't own iCarly.

##################################################

_**Act II, Scene A – Continuation: iI, I, Um, Ah, Yeesh, Oh, Er, Yeah, Eh, Yikes, Uh, Hmm, Erm, OK Then.**_

Freddie and Wendy broke their hugs with Carly, Sam, and Melanie and looked at them happily for a moment. Freddie then turned to address everyone else. "OK, we've all had a long morning, so let's get changed and rested for a lunch for the wedding party."

Brad quickly jumped in. "Where to, Freddie?"

Freddie blurted out, "Groovie Smoothies' – 1pm," before he could think about it.

Jeremy snickered. "OK, all – find clothes you don't mind getting stains on from food on a stick." The group chuckled lightly in response.

Jeremy added, "And we gotta tell T-Bo the good news!"

Gibby turned towards Freddie and Wendy. "You want me to hang around, or are you going to catch them up?"

Wendy broke in with, "We'll bring them up to date quickly. Bring your pictures and stuff to Groovie Smoothie's so that we can share."

Gibby nodded. "Cool – see you in a few hours." He turned to Reuben and added, "OK. We got a bit of work to do getting ready there."

Reuben nodded quickly. "Shane and I are on it. "

"Cool," Shane responded. "Let's get some rest and meet at 1."

As the others turned to head towards the lift, Freddie and Wendy guided the befuddled Sam, Carly, and Melanie into the Bensons' living room.

Freddie and Wendy sat side by side in a love seat, holding each other's hands while Carly, Melanie, and Sam sat across from them on a sofa. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Sam finally asked the important question. "So, how did you hook up?"

Freddie looked at Wendy and shrugged. Wendy nodded, turned to face the three women, and started. "It started with this year's Sadie Hawkins dance."

Carly and Sam laughed. "It would," Carly mumbled.

Freddie rolled his eyes slightly as Wendy continued. "A bunch of girls and I – maybe 10 – had asked Freddie to the dance, but he kept pushing us off. Finally, the other guys got tired of waiting for us waiting for Freddie, so he decided he knew me best, so we went together."

Freddie jumped in as she paused. "Even though it wasn't a real date, we had a great time together at the dance, so we figured we could be each other's pseudo-date to any mixed-gender group functions that we had been missing out on or accompany each other in a group of paired-off friends."

Melanie nodded. "So like Freddie had with Carly and Sam, only with one person."

Wendy and Freddie paused for a moment before they nodded in assent. Freddie replied, "Yeah. I hadn't thought of it that way, but yeah."

Melanie then essayed, "And you, Wendy, were on the same academic track as Carly, but hung out with Sam's crowd sometimes, right?"

Wendy smiled. "Yeah. I guess he missed them less because he had what he remembered most about both of them when he started at Ridgeway." Carly and Sam glanced at each other uneasily. Wendy continued after a pause. "Eventually, we got to Senior Prom. We decided to go together as each other's dates."

Freddie broke in. "This time, though, I don't know, it was different." He paused.

Sam responded with, "I bet."

Carly sat back and nodded. "You kissed?"

Wendy sighed lightly. "Yup," she replied dreamily. "We got to the end of the Prom and Freddie walked me to my door. For some reason, I just felt like I needed to kiss him."

Freddie chuckled. "Rather forcefully, I might add." He and Wendy giggled lightly and then gave each other a quick peck on the lips.

As they broke their kiss, Sam followed up quickly, "So you were officially a couple then?"

Freddie shrugged. "I guess so."

Wendy slapped him in the arm lightly. "Yes, Freddie, we were!" she spouted mock-indignantly.

Carly leant forward as Freddie and Wendy sat back in the love seat. "So you decided that he was the one and you got engaged right?"

Freddie shook his head. "Not at all. We just went out normally, except that we kissed each other good night and stuff."

Wendy nodded. "It was nice, but when I realised last night that we were only a few weeks away from college, I told Freddie that I thought we should break up because we hadn't been a serious couple."

Sam asked, "Wait, what?" while Carly asked, "When?" and Melanie added, "Last night?" They glanced at each other in puzzlement.

Freddie burst out laughing while Wendy calmly replied, "About 2 a.m. this morning."

Sam and Carly were too stunned at how impetuous Freddie had been to even being formulating a reply. Melanie continued with, "You mean, EIGHT hours ago?"

"Yup," Wendy replied as Freddie settled down. "We haven't slept since, not that we could have with our adrenaline surge."

Sam and Carly vainly attempted to break in, but Freddie continued quickly. "I told her that I had been serious, so I asked why she hadn't been."

Wendy broke in and began accelerating her speech. "I said I had become very serious, but I thought he was still pining for Carly and/or Sam. He said he wanted to prove he was serious."

Freddie then almost broke into a rush. "So I told her I was so serious that I had dreamt of marrying her and that I would if she would."

"And I said YES!" Wendy half-shouted triumphantly.

"So we called everyone you saw-"

"-Told my parents-"

"-and had everyone meet us at the courthouse."

"And here I am, Wendy Benson!" Wendy then pulled into a deep kiss with Freddie that broke their three female guests from their seeming trance.

Carly frowned. "Where are your parents, Wendy?"

"They're getting changed," she replied.

"And then they're coming here," Freddie added.

"What about your mom, Freddie?" Melanie continued.

Freddie and Wendy shrugged.

Freddie replied, "She was in some emergency at the hospital, so not yet."

Wendy added, "That's why my parents are coming here – so that the in-laws get better acquainted."

Melanie wrinkled her nose. "And how did your parents take your marriage, Wendy?"

Freddie turned red as Wendy replied, "It's a good thing they liked Freddie already, because they were a bit, um, dubious about it."

Freddie laughed uproariously. "'Dubious,' Hun? Apoplectic is more like it."

Wendy then noted, "They would have been more upset if you had made me pregnant out of wedlock."

Carly, Sam, and Melanie laughed at Wendy's comment as Freddie and Wendy both giggled and then gave each other a peck on the lips again.

After a few moments, Sam finally recovered enough to say, "Well, um, congratulations on your, um-"

Carly broke in, "-incredibly romantic-"

"-if impetuous-" Melanie added.

"-nuptuals," Carly finished.

Melanie quickly added, "And the reception is when?"

Wendy responded eagerly, "Groovy Smoothie's, 1pm."

There was a brief awkward silence before Freddie added, "We tried to call you on your cells, but I guess you were on your way here."

Melanie, Sam, and Carly nodded. Sam replied, "Yeah – coming up from LA this morning."

Carly added, "We left the house before 5 am."

"Ah," Wendy replied. "That explains it."

After a moment, Melanie got a puzzled look on her face. "So, where are you going to live?"

Freddie and Wendy gave each other a stricken look. After a few seconds, Freddie breathed, "Wow, we can't exactly live in our parents' places, can we?"

Wendy shook her head and shrugged. "My parents would probably be OK with it."

Sam cringed. "Um, a single bed with a shared bathroom?"

Wendy broke in excitedly, "Wait, Freddie – you have a full bath suite with a large bed, right?"

Carly, Sam, and Melanie exploded in laughter as the doorbell rang.

Meanwhile, Freddie got up, walked to the door, and noted, "I think we need to be gentle with my mom when we break it to her." He opened the door and saw Wendy's parents.

After Wendy's parents entered, Freddie pulled two chairs from the next room for them to sit on. "Here you go, Mom, Dad," he quietly. Wendy's parents sat in the seats and then Freddie sat down next to Wendy.

Wendy shifted nervously. "Mom, Dad – I hate to say this, but Freddie and I hadn't thought about where to live. Could he move in with me and we get a bed for us for a bit until we get it worked out?"

Wendy's mother exhaled deeply as Wendy's father nodded and replied, "Sure, although it might be awkward – but you might need to work out something better."

At that moment, Marissa Benson opened the door to the apartment and bellowed, "Fredward, Dear, Mommie's home!" She closed the door behind her and turned to face the five young adults and two parents in the living room. "What's going on here?"

Wendy jumped up from next to Freddie and gave Mrs. Benson a tight hug. "I'm so glad to see you, Mom!"

Freddie's mom stared at her dumbfoundedly. Before she could say anything, Freddie got up, put his arm around Wendy, and blurted excitedly, "We eloped, Mom!"

Marissa screeched incoherently and fell to the ground in a faint.

Sam was the first one to recover. She ran up to the happy couple. "Saying here may not be the best option."

Wendy's mother took control. She said to her husband, "Dear, get some water." She then turned to the five friends. "Someone has to get something to put under her head; someone should call the hospital; someone should call everyone and change lunch to dinner; and someone should look online for what else to do."

The Carly, Sam, Melanie, and Wendy split up the responsibilities as Freddie pulled out his cell. As he stooped next to his mother, he mumbled, "Perhaps Colonel Shay will let us rent Spencer's room," he mumbled as he dialed the number.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for all the reviews, favourites, and follows.

Here is where I earn the "T" rating and the "Drama" designation.

Finale is coming on Christmas Eve.

I don't own iCarly.

_**Act II, Scene B – After Lunch: iCommiserate**_

Colonel Shay opened the door to his apartment, followed initially by Wendy and Freddie, hand in hand, and then Sam, Melanie, and finally Carly, who closed the door behind them.

Wendy pulled Freddie into her and put her arms around his neck. "You think your Mom will be all right?"

Freddie put his arms around her waist before replying, "Of course. The doctor is allowing her to recover and convalesce at home today."

Wendy and Freddie pulled in for a passionate kiss; Carly, Sam, and Melanie looked at the floor. After a few moments, Colonel Shay grunted to get their attention. After Wendy and Freddie broke their kiss, Colonel Shay nodded, turned to his daughter and said, "I'll show the wedded Weddie their wedding suite." He then looked at Sam and Melanie. "You three OK with me leaving you alone for a while?"

"No problem," Sam replied as Melanie said, "Sure," and Carly said, "Thanks, Dad."

"Good," Colonel Shay replied. "I'll come up after Wendy, Freddie, and me work out the details and then clear everything with their parents."

The three women raised their heads and nodded dumbly. Melanie finally gulped and responded, "OK," for her twin sister and best friend. Melanie led Carly and Sam up the stairs as Wendy and Freddie went to Spencer's old room with Colonel Shay.

After Sam, Melanie, and Carly stumbled into their bedroom, Sam ponderously ambled to the couch near the water tank and then deliberately lowered herself into it. Meanwhile, Carly indolently trudged towards the chair in front of the video chat computer phlegmatically sat in it. Melanie slowly closed the door behind her, plodded towards the lone bed, and then listlessly dropped herself on it. The three women stared at each other helplessly for a few moments of awkward silence.

Melanie finally blurted out, "Wow, something more awkward than Mom and Spencer living here."

Sam added, "They probably will be here on the holidays."

Melanie hung her head. "I don't want to think about it."

Carly shook her head. "Ugh, what if Freddie or Wendy answers the phone when I call Dad?" The three women shuddered.

After a few moments of silence, Melanie let out a long sigh, which got Carly's and Sam's attention. "We can't avoid it."

Carly replied, "Maybe they can move in with Spencer and your Mom?"

Melanie shuddered. "For some reason, that seems worse, Carls."

Sam hesitated before shrugging and then added, "Well, we can stall and speculate on what they'll do for their honeymoon once they get around to it."

"Ugh, no!" Melanie replied as Carly said, "That could work."

Melanie glared at Carly. "I don't want to think about their honeymoon-"

Sam added in disgust, "-Or what they do on it."

Melanie cringed. "Yeah, let's not go there." Carly and Sam nodded. Melanie continued, "We need to get back to dealing with this." She looked at Sam and Carly. "I'll go first. I guess I was the least invested in Freddie."

Carly was the first to let out a weak protest. "No, don't say that."

Sam then added, "Considering that Wendy seems like she's half way between Carly and me, I would say you had the best chance out of all of us."

Carly nodded glumly. "Yeah, that lunch was pretty surreal – I felt like we were quadruplets."

Melanie nodded. She paused for a moment before continuing. "That's why it hurts." She got up and started pacing about the room. "I was the first one of us who went on a date with him. I was the first one to know he would be a great boyfriend."

Sam sat up and then gave her twin a puzzled look. "Then why didn't you come back to stay?"

Melanie stopped near the bed, turned to face Sam and Carly, and then shrugged. "I was at a high-end private school where I didn't have to worry about bills getting paid or mom's boyfriends leering at me." Sam groaned. Melanie and Carly gave Sam an empathetic look. Melanie continued. "I figured that I would find a guy like Freddie at a high-end boarding school. Instead, I found a bunch of guys who were threatened by my intelligence and independence – not to mention that they all were thinking, 'lay her then leave her' – except that what they said rhymed with '… and chuck her'."

Carly gave Melanie a querulous look. "Then why didn't you come back for Freddie?"

Melanie sighed and then stared at the floor glumly. She then raised her head and glanced at Carly and then Sam. "By then, you both had dated him. I figured I had missed my chance."

"Sorry, Mellie," Sam whispered.

"Nothing to apologise for, Sammy," Melanie replied and she again sat on the bed.

There was a brief pause before Carly sat up. "I wish I could have seen what kind of boyfriend he could be before I left for Italy."

"Or persisted after he saved your life from the taco truck," Sam added curtly.

"So you really only thought about being with him when you could palpably feel a separation from him," Melanie concluded bluntly.

Carly was visibly shaken by what she perceived to be accusations of her shallowness. She gave Melanie and then Sam a stricken look.

"It's easy not to think of it because he was always there," Melanie added to try and clarify her point. "It must have been like being thrust into mid-air without a parachute."

"And we were too immature to really appreciate him, Carls," Sam added sympathetically.

Carly closed her eyes tightly to regain her composure. "Sorry," she breathed through the tears she was holding back. "I thought you were accusing me-"

Sam broke in. "-of being a teenage girl? Of course, we all were. That's why we didn't we didn't 'get it' then."

"No, of taking Freddie for granted," Carly finished.

Melanie and Sam shrugged at each other and then turned to Carly. Carly became agitated as she waited for her friends to contradict her. Finally, Sam replied, "I think we both took him and how we felt about him for granted, Carls."

Melanie broke in. "If you think about it, he had not really dated anyone besides us or at your behest. I guess we all assumed that he would just wait for us to figure out how he and we felt before moving on."

"Yeah, but he kept after me for something like five years until before the lock-in," Carly semi-whined as she fell back into the chair. "You'd think that just out of respect, I would have given him a shot as a lark or something and not worried that he was geeky, or not as hot as some other guys, or, UGH!" Carly threw up her arms in disgust, put them on her forehead, and fell backwards onto the bed.

Sam and Melanie laughed. Sam got to her feet, put her hands on her hips, looked at Carly, and then responded for the twins. "Come on, Carly." Carly leant her head to look at Sam. "He groveled incessantly, whined about it to anyone who was dumb enough to listen, and then half-stalked you to try to win your favour."

Melanie nodded earnestly. "Not to mention that he let you manipulate him continually. He needed self-respect first, Carly, before you could really take him seriously."

Carly sat up and then sighed again. "Yeah, maybe." Carly paused for a moment. "But I never realised that he had self-respect when he wanted to wait after the taco truck – long before the, erm, lock-in." Carly glanced at Sam, who lowered her head. Carly shifted uncomfortably until Sam had sat back down and then raised her head again. "I just wish I had thought about him as real boyfriend material before I was in Italy and been able to, uh,…" She looked guiltily at Sam. "…Um, figure out what my feelings really were, er, without hurting someone else."

Melanie looked at Sam. While looking at her, Melanie said, "Carly, I think we've come to the real reason you never really approached him after the lock-in."

Sam looked at Carly and Melanie, who obviously expected her confession. She shook her head to mentally prepare herself. She mumbled quickly. "You two regret your missed opportunities. I regret all the times I picked on him or people like him, called them names, bullied other boys, pushed people around." Sam fell back onto the full couch. She then spoke very distinctly. "I knew how much I had changed – even after breaking up with Freddie – when I helped out those two mathlete-ish boys at Groovy Smoothie and then broke it off with Dana and my old crowd after they took Carly, Freddie, and Gibby hostage."

Melanie whistled in surprise. "I still can't believe you repudiated virtually all of your old friends."

Carly noted one irony. "I can't believe you didn't use a derogatory name like 'geeks' to describe the boys at Groovy Smoothie."

Sam nodded resignedly. She closed her eyes and fought back tears. "That's the point. If I had known that all those nerdy things that Freddie did that I hated as a kid would be things I found attractive as an adult, I would never have been so hard on him."

Melanie countered with, "But he might never have grown up had he not learnt to fight back."

"Maybe," Sam replied dubitably.

"On the other hand," Melanie noted, "no one else really picked on him because of you."

Carly rolled her eyes. "That's because the other bullies felt sorry for him, Mel."

"No," Melanie replied flatly. "As Sam once put it, Freddie so offended her compared to the other toughies that Sam had proclaimed him to be, 'Sam's and only Sam's.'"

Sam sat up on the couch again. "And that's why I tried to hide how I felt once I wanted 'Sam's and only Sam's' to mean something else," Sam blurted depressedly. "I thought he would turn me down – nicely, because that's who he is. And then I would feel like he used to feel when he was chasing after Carly." Sam groaned in self-disgust and looked towards the ground. "I wish someone had told me that's what my future could be so that I could have been better to him and then wouldn't have been so afraid of rejection – even after he came to visit me in LA."

There was a knock on the bedroom door. "Yes?" Carly asked quietly.

"It's me, girls," Colonel Shay replied. "Wendy and Freddie are getting some clothing and stuff for their room. I was wondering if you wanted a dessert or something."

The trio all shook their heads at each other. Carly then responded, "Nothing, Dad. We need to just wind down after the whirlwind."

"OK," Colonel Shay replied. "Let me know if you need anything."

"You know what, Dad?" Carly said. "You just make what you want and we'll come down and help if we don't think of something."

Colonel Shay nodded. They could see him look thoughtfully at each one of them in turn. He then nodded and said, "That fine, girls," he replied. He turned to leave the room and closed the door.

They could hear Colonel Shay heading away from the door. Sam waited a moment before concluding. "What bothers me is that I'm not even surprised."

Carly and Melanie were stunned by this revelation. Before either of them could react, Sam continued. "He said that only Carly cared for him, then his crush came back, and he tried to embarrass me at my job, and I figured that was just a fling to him because I loved him first."

Carly shook her head sympathetically. "No, Sam."

Sam whacked her hands on the couch. "What's so unreasonable about that?" She got up and glared at Carly

Melanie could see trouble brewing as Carly stood up to face Sam. Carly replied icily, "You let how other boys had treated you colour your view of him."

Sam started turning red and strode towards Carly. "But he kissed you back-"

Carly broke in, "-after asking you back out."

"So I was his fallback for you!" Sam bellowed incredulously into her face.

"I didn't know I shouldn't have kissed him," Carly fired back.

"STOP!" Melanie shrieked. Carly and Sam backed away slightly from each other as they turned to face her. "Stop lashing out at each other because you're both hurt!" Melanie quickly slowed her hyperventilating before continuing. "Let's feel good about each other and Freddie?"

Sam and Carly gave Melanie a skeptical look. Finally, Carly asked in return, "How?"

Sam finally got it as realisation hit Carly's face. "By remembering what was good about us for him, what we had that was special, and figuring out how to move on."

Melanie smiled at her twin. "Exactly."

Sam asked, "Can I start?"

Melanie gaped at Sam as Carly's eyes opened widely. Carly finally mumbled, "If you want to, Sam." Melanie nodded in silent agreement.

Sam chuckled, mostly to herself, as she waited for Carly to sit back down. "You both remember when I told everyone I hadn't kissed anyone either after I had said the week before that Freddie hadn't kissed anyone?" Carly and Melanie nodded. "Well, as I was going down to the fire escape, I decided that, no matter what, we were going to be each other's first kisses."

Melanie whistled as Carly exclaimed, "What?"

Sam nodded. "I remember how well you and Melanie remembered your first kisses. All of the boys I knew flashed through my head. I suddenly realised that, whatever else I thought of him, I would be far less unhappy saying it was Freddie than anyone like the other chizz-heads." Carly and Melanie grinned while Sam shook her head. "For pride's sake, I had to goad him into asking me because I wanted him to think that kissing me was OK too." Sam gave a long, wistful sigh. "I just didn't know how much I would like it and how much that one kiss would eventually change me."

Sam looked helplessly at the other women. "Tori, Cat, and Jade tell me that I grin like an idiot when I think about him. I hope I can find someone else who can make me happy like he does." Sam drooped onto the couch, bowed her head, and then buried it in her hands.

Carly sniffled and replied, "You are never going to be made happy by someone else the way he does." Sam looked up at her sharply, fighting back tears. "It will be different because that guy will be different." Carly sighed and got choked up. "But I think you will still be happy."

Melanie was about to speak, but Carly shook her head. "At least you accepted how you felt and gave him a real chance. I wish I had – but I took him for granted." She snorted ruefully. "I could have said 'yes' any time for five years or pushed to stay with him even he was my 'bacon.'" Carly sighed heavily and threw her hands into the air. "Instead, I kept thinking about looks, geekiness, and popularity when I thought about boys. I can't be so vapid again. It seems great at the time, but you can miss out on the best guy out there. But at least he's still in my life."

Melanie nodded. "Yeah, I really appreciate that." Carly and Sam waited patiently, knowing that it was her turn. "I thought that I could find any guy like him at a boarding school or maybe at college." Melanie paused and grunted in disgust. "Honestly, you two don't realise how lucky you are to have had Freddie around." Melanie sighed, shook her head, and stared at the ceiling. "I made my decisions – now I have to live with them."

Sam interjected, "Well, I guess one good thing is none of us have to hide our feelings around one of the others and have to cope with our bitterness towards one of the others."

Carly sighed. "Not much of a silver lining, Sam."

Melanie replied, "Yeah, but we won't fall apart as friends over this like we could have with one of us marrying Freddie." Carly looked at her dubiously. "That's something – for all of us – that's really important. They all sighed together.

After a moment, Sam added, "And I'm still going to college."

Carly and Melanie smiled at her. Carly nodded and said, "Good for you, Sam."

Melanie got up and rubbed her hands together. "So, what are we going to do when they have their inevitable arguments?"

Carly and Sam looked at each other and shrugged. Sam finally mumbled, "What we can, I guess."

Carly added, "Yeah – I don't think I could deal with feeling like I broke them up because I was jealous."

Sam grumbled, "I don't even want to think about it," as Melanie replied, "I couldn't live myself."

Carly eyed the twins expectantly. "So we agree – no matter what we feel, we have to do what we think is best for them?"

"Yeah," the twins replied simultaneously. The three women nodded in resigned affirmation.

Carly finally spoke. "Let's go down and figure out what to do for dessert. We might depress ourselves for hours if we don't do something."

"Chocolate therapy!" Sam replied excitedly.

"I scream for ice cream!" Melanie added as they all got up to head out of the bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you very much to all who have read, reviewed, etc. I really appreciate it. This story has been a lot of fun to write and I am glad people have liked it.

I don't own, rent, lease, or otherwise have possession of iCarly.

_**Epilogue – iRoast, erm, Toast Freddie: June, 10 Years Later.**_

Wendy stood up and raised her chalice to address the guests. She was in a very light pink wedding dress. "Lastly, I want to thank my friends from high school – especially the friends of mine and my first husband: Carly, Sam, and Melanie. It is because of the old girls that Freddie and I could divorce amicably and have him here." Wendy turned to look straight at Freddie. "And for my first husband: we may have failed as husband and wife, but I am glad we are still friends. I am especially glad that you respected me enough to set me up with this palooka I married." She turned to give her husband a quick peck on the cheek before turning back to the entire wedding reception. "So the final toast from me is for my ex, Freddie Benson."

Wendy raised her glass and looked at Freddie. A wicked grin came across her face. "Because Freddie isn't dating, I insisted that he not bring a guest tonight. Thus, I wanted to tell all you eligible ladies that, as you can see, Freddie is on one end of the head table and Carly, Sam, and Melanie are on the other." She gestured to Freddie and then Carly, Sam, and Melanie. She then turned to face the wedding guests. "I forced them to agree not to interfere with anyone approaching Freddie. To make sure that they don't, I have given them extra responsibilities thereto, so you don't need to be intimidated by their immediate presence if you want to approach him." She turned to Carly, Sam, and Melanie, and nodded. "Responsibilities such as this one."

Carly, Sam, Melanie, and Wendy stood together and grinned mischievously at Freddie. Wendy gave her thumbs up, in response to which Carly, Sam, and Melanie each pulled out a flashlight, switched them on, and then pointed them straight at Freddie. He shielded his eyes and then sank lower in his seat as Wendy continued with, "And, in case you are wondering who he is, that is Freddie Benson. Just remember that if you aren't good to Freddie, you have to answer to myself, Carly, Melanie, and especially Sam."

The wedding party and their guests raised their glasses and toasted Freddie's health. Freddie turned beet red in embarrassment…

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Yes, I did not specify whom the four principals wound up with. I only wanted to explicitly say that Wendy and Freddie split because they married too young – a 98% chance for a high school couple. For those of you who could not believe that they would work as a married couple, well, I think you're right – they don't. Also, note that Carly's, Melanie's, and Sam's integrity in dealing with Wendy and Freddie in the interim between the last chapter and this one made them beat the odds and have an amicable divorce.

With whom does Freddie end up? I don't know. That depends on how everyone has grown and changed in the interim.

I'll be honest – I never thought that writing for iCarly would be so cool and be so much fun. These are fundamentally interesting characters that you can do a lot with if you try. But the writers here have so impressed me that I felt impelled towards writing this. Keep it up, everyone.


End file.
